Revelation

Wells, seeing as how I have no readers, I think I'll cut loose.  In light of recent developments in my life, I can't help but turn an introverted eye to the path that has led me here.  Ten years ago I was 18, and I had no doubts about who I was. (Side note: I just erased 30 minutes of boring, irrelevant personal history that was ultimately pointless)


I've spent quite a lot my free time trying to figure out where things went wrong.  I've also been considering the quality of the people that I've surrounded myself with.  In regards to the first part, I don't really think anything went wrong.  I'm starting to believe that it was simply forced, a complicated response in the face of being re-introduced into reality.  Maybe it was pushed to far, but in the end, there is only so far that you can push something until it falls apart from the pressure.  I don't regret the journey.

There once was a period in my life where, in my arrogance, I felt as if I was the center of my social universe.  I was the the manifest pivot, the sun in which all of my friends revolved around.  When I left, they lost their orbit and spun out across the now empty universe, no longer a system of tightly interwoven entities within the social structure.  I've been told more than a few times that this is actually a fact.  And while possibly true, it was arrogant of me to presume.  The pattern supports the theory, but I feel there is something more to it.  I have been shaped by the people that I have chosen to be in my life, and I feel this more keenly than ever.  Quite simply, I have been forever blessed in friends.  Those who love without question, judge without malice, those who hold me up when I lack the strength to stand and light a candle in my darkest moments.  I remember you all vividly, and lament and mourn those who spun out too far to be pulled back into my universe. 

So, in the face of yet another deployment, the walk upon the sands of hell on earth, I smile.  I know who I am again, and I know there are those out there who will stand for me, whether I rise too high or fall into the darkness.